This topic discussed quite a bit across the web but believe it or not this is the first time I’ve really run up against it myself. It’s one of those things that started slowly but has snowballed over the recent months. I don’t know how obvious my weariness is to my players but every time I sit down to DM now I cringe to think that my ennui is showing. Part of it is time, it’s weird but I feel like I had more time for gaming when I was in college with a full load of courses. When confronted with the choices of prep for a game, read, play a video game, or go for a run it almost pains me to say that prepping for a D&D is often the lowest on that list. (That’d be Symptom #3 on this list).
I think I’m at a point where my frustration with myself is starting to morph into frustration with my players. It often feels between the painting of miniatures, perusal of smartphones, and frequent nonsequitor conversations that people are often as disinterested in gaming as I am in running the game. I’d love to be able to say to myself that this purely a reflection of my own dissatisfaction but another part of me, which I do my best to silence, takes it a bit personally. It creates this vicious infinite loop that does little to help resolve the situation. (That’d be Sympton #6).
Every article I’ve looked at tells me the same thing: walk away from the GM’s seat. A part of me desperately clings to this campaign; particularly since things are close to a really good end game. If things are going to end properly for this campaign though I think I need to be as fresh faced and excited as I can and truthfully I’m just not there. I’m a little worried that if I walk away now we’ll never come back to it. There is a rational part of my brain that says that the notion of giving up shouldn’t bother me so much but the completionist part of my pysche is screaming in defiance.