It’s always good to end the week with the knowledge that our society is that little bit closer to creating our cyborg overlords. From Dean Kamen (the guy who brought you the Segway scooter) comes “Luke”, a robotic arm controlled by a series of pressure pads and other controls. In addition to being just plain badass and a far more useful display of Kamen’s technological genius than the Segway, it movies us one creepy step further into cyborg territory. Soon this king of technology will pave the way for the true cyborgs who will inevitably rely on eugenics in an attempt to perfect their remaining human components while forcing the rest of us to do their bidding.
But wait, you say…there’s a huge flaw in this plan. Everyone knows that cyborg software technology often warps the human brain, turning the “person” into a promiscuous nymphomaniac. How will the cyborgs keep from diluting the gene pool of their robotic master race? An Australian research team found the simple answer: remote controlled implants that can block the vas deferens. Now these horrible combinations of man and machine can hump anything that will sit still long enough and not have to worry about pregnancy unless they decide to allow it. And as a huge added benefit, they can install them in the rest of us non-cyborgs to keep our population under control. Leave it to Australians to mess up our only hope: overpowering them with sheer numbers.